I had envisioned a perfect breastfeeding journey, but nothing could have prepared me for the emotional and physical rollercoaster that lay ahead. My journey was far from what I had imagined, but it became one of the most rewarding challenges I have faced as a mother.
In the early days of parenthood, I quickly learned that love, patience, and perseverance would be the greatest tools to help me navigate the postpartum phase and all its challenges. I knew that when I looked back, no matter how tough it might be, I wanted to have memories I could cherish for a lifetime. My breastfeeding journey was far from easy, but it became one of the most rewarding challenges I faced as a mother. I have to give credit to my spouse for being my pillar of support—without him, I might not have been able to get through the tough times. Together, we tackled every obstacle, from sleepless nights to feeding challenges. His constant encouragement, presence, and willingness to take on extra responsibilities helped me tremendously. If you're wondering how your partner can play a pivotal role, you can check out my article on how a partner can help with breastfeeding.
Having knowledge and actually experiencing something are two completely different things. But being fortified with knowledge does give you a sense of realism and an edge. Even though I knew the benefits of breastfeeding and felt confident in my decision, nothing could have truly prepared me for the reality that lay ahead. The unexpected twists, the emotional ups and downs, and the physical demands were far beyond what I could have imagined.
When my baby was born slightly early, he needed feeding support at the hospital, and we couldn’t establish breastfeeding immediately. This was a huge blow to the plan I had envisioned. However, I was determined to breastfeed. Not because I thought bottle feeding wasn’t a good choice—on the contrary, I fully support all feeding methods that work best for each family—but because I wanted to provide my baby with the benefits only breast milk could offer. Among these were antibodies to help fight infections and boost immunity, and—most importantly to me—the bond it would help weave between us.
In addition to the emotional benefits and immunity boost, breast milk also contains the right nutrients that newborns need for healthy development. It has melatonin, which helps with sleep regulation, and is always at the perfect temperature for immediate feeding. I had known all these facts as a doctor and ever since I knew I was going to have a baby, I knew I wanted to breastfeed.
During my antenatal checkups, I had even collected colostrum syringes form my midwife to try hand expressing colostrum (the first milk) after 37th week of pregnancy and I had planned to “initiate breastfeeding within an hour after birth” as the World Health Organisation recommends. Alas, fate had other things in store for me and my birth didn’t go as planned. My baby was born before 37 weeks and was too weak to breastfeed for the first few days, and I had to adjust my expectations.
It would have been easier to just let go, and at times, I considered it. It was very difficult to stay determined. But I have to give credit to the hospital staff, the midwives, and nurses who kept encouraging me, and of course to my dear husband, for empowering me when I was at my weakest. From the very beginning, I started hand-expressing colostrum, and we gave every precious millilitre of it to our baby. I wanted him to get stronger quickly and have the best possible chance at healthy development.
In addition to hand-expressing, I also did a lot of pumping—up to six to eight times a day—to mimic the feeding frequency of a newborn and maintain my milk supply. For anyone wondering how to increase milk supply while pumping, consistency is key. The more frequently you pump, the more your brain signals your body to produce milk. Likewise, if milk isn’t being used, the brain tries to conserve the body’s nutrients by reducing milk production. So, I continued pumping and froze the milk in sterile milk bags I had purchased, labelling each with the date, time, and volume before placing them in the freezer. Stored correctly, breast milk can last up to six months in the freezer, which provided me with some reassurance during those early, uncertain days.
A week passed, and my little one had become accustomed to bottle feeding. When he was ready to start breastfeeding, he initially rejected the breast, preferring the bottle’s faster, easier flow. Learning how to transition from bottle feeding to breastfeeding was one of the toughest parts of my journey. This was an incredibly challenging time for me. Between recovering from a C-section, the emotional weight of feeling like I was failing at breastfeeding, and the extreme mom guilt when I heard him crying for the bottle and didn’t give it to him, there were moments when I thought about giving up entirely. I questioned whether it was worth it. Was I being stubborn? Was I putting my baby through unnecessary frustration? But with support and perseverance, I continued the struggle, for literally 48 hours almost non-stop. I only stopped to sleep and rest for short periods when I was utterly exhausted, and during those moments, my husband took over feeding our baby with a bottle.
We consulted the infant feeding team, who guided us through this tough phase and introduced strategies to help my baby transition from bottle feeding to breastfeeding. They advised me to stop giving him the bottle for a few hours and offer only the breast, reassuring me that eventually, out of hunger, he would latch on. Babies, they said, have strong survival instincts and won’t starve themselves. But they also advised to follow up with a bottle every few hours to make sure he wasn’t starving. The feeding team also advised using a very slow-flow teat on the bottle and angling it almost flat to minimise gravity’s help with milk flow. This was meant to make bottle feeding as difficult as breastfeeding, encouraging my baby to switch back to the breast.
There were moments when I felt deeply inadequate. I would wonder, "Why is this so hard for me?" It seemed like all the other moms in the world were breastfeeding effortlessly, while I kept struggling. The isolation was overwhelming, as if I was the only one going through this. In those moments of self-doubt, when the physical and emotional exhaustion weighed me down, I constantly battled thoughts that I wasn’t doing enough for my baby. But I realised I couldn’t keep these feelings bottled up.
Talking about my thoughts with my husband provided the much-needed release I craved. I would sit with him and pour out all the fears, frustrations, and moments of weakness that clouded my mind. His reassurance, and the simple act of listening, helped me process those emotions, making me feel like I wasn’t carrying the burden alone. I would also read words of motivation highlighting the grandiosity of motherhood to feel empowered again. In addition, I spoke to the infant feeding team professional about my feelings of inadequacy. Her reassurance that I was doing a fabulous job was exactly what I needed to hear.
Using a slow-flow teat on the bottle and positioning it to mimic the effort needed for breastfeeding was a game-changer. After two days of persistence, tears, and determination, my baby finally accepted breastfeeding. It was a eureka moment! A bittersweet celebration for my husband and me. From that moment on, there was no turning back. I breastfed throughout the day, and at night, my partner would give our baby a bottle of expressed milk or formula so I could rest. We found a rhythm that worked for our family, and the early struggles soon faded into memories of love and perseverance. We embraced combination feeding. For two months, we continued combination feeding. My little one started to almost exclusively breastfeed, and we would just give him a bottle at night or when we were out and there was no opportunity to breastfeed. If you’re looking for breastfeeding and bottle-feeding strategies and advice, my Fourth Trimester Postpartum Guide offers more helpful tips.
My partner’s unwavering support became my lifeline during these moments. He helped in countless ways, from providing back massages during feedings to making sure I had food, snacks, and plenty of water. He also took on the role of washing and sterilising all the feeding equipment, which alleviated a huge amount of stress. His emotional and practical support allowed me to focus on breastfeeding without feeling overwhelmed by the smaller, yet essential, tasks that can quickly add up. Learn more about how partners can help support breastfeeding mothers, as having a truly supportive partner who helps in the right ways can make all the difference.
As wonderful as it was when my baby finally latched, I often felt physically and emotionally exhausted. There were days when my baby would feed for half an hour to 40 minutes straight, only to need another feed just an hour or two later. It felt like all I was doing was feeding my baby, over and over again. At times, I wondered, "Is this what my life has become?" Those long, endless feeding cycles drained me in ways I didn’t expect. I love my baby more than anything, but there were moments where I felt like I had lost myself in this new routine.
To battle these overwhelming feelings, I knew I needed to make some necessary changes to preserve my mental health. I started giving the baby to my husband for a while, making sure I took some time off for postpartum self-care. For more tips on how to prioritise mental health, self-care and navigate the early weeks, you can also check out my Postpartum Guide that covers all these essential topics. I allowed myself the space to relax—whether it was taking a long, warm bath, surfing the internet, or even catching up with friends. Those moments away from the constant feeding helped me feel recharged and more like myself again. Having my partner step in allowed me to take essential time for self-care. If you’re looking for ways your partner can provide similar support, check out my article on partner involvement in breastfeeding.
I also made sure we spent more time outdoors as a family. There’s something about getting fresh air and being in nature that relaxes the mind like nothing else. Fun fact—we even went to play mini-golf together! These outings became little breaks in our routine, a way to reset and bring some lightness back into our lives. They were more than just moments of leisure; they were crucial for my mental health.
I started making small vlogs of our family outings and all the important "firsts" in my baby’s life. Not only were these vlogs a gift for my baby, something he could one day look back on and cherish, but they were also for me. Watching those videos brought me so much happiness and reminded me of the beautiful moments we were creating together as a family. It became a way to celebrate the little victories and remember that, despite the challenges, we were thriving in our own way.
We gave him Vitamin D drops daily, as we barely get enough sunlight (hello, British weather!). Breast milk doesn’t inherently contain Vitamin D, so supplementation is necessary through sunlight exposure or drops—or ideally both. I was always conscious of making sure he got enough Vitamin D since it plays such a vital role in bone development.
Even after I found my groove, I had to stay flexible. When everything seemed all rainbows, butterflies, and idyllic, a few random days of cluster feeding (often during growth spurts) would come unannounced, toppling my confidence and making it feel like I was starting over. These moments required extra patience and support. For any mothers going through the same thing: growth spurts typically last just a day or a few days at most, and your baby will settle back into a routine soon. Grind through those tough days like a champ! You can read more about cluster feeding in my Postpartum Guide.
Around three months of age, one fine day, my baby completely rejected the bottle in favour of breastfeeding. If someone had told me this three months earlier, when breastfeeding seemed like a distant dream, I would never have believed it!
Looking back, those early struggles were just a small chapter in my larger parenting story. The perseverance, teamwork, and love I invested in those early days made me stronger as a mother and created memories I’ll always cherish. To all the breastfeeding moms out there, I want to say: lean on your support system, whether it's your partner, family, or friends. The breastfeeding journey is not one you have to walk alone, and the support around you can make all the difference. There are many ways partners can help breastfeeding mothers, and this support can make a world of difference during postpartum recovery. Speaking from my own experience, here’s one of my most helpful tips for breastfeeding during postpartum recovery: don’t be afraid to ask for help, whether it’s from your partner or professionals. Their guidance can be invaluable.
At times, I also found solace in reading about other mothers' struggles. It reminded me that I wasn’t alone. Seeing others share their challenges gave me strength and reinforced that breastfeeding, for many, isn’t as easy as it may seem from the outside. This was one of the reasons I felt compelled to share my own story—to let another mother know that she too is not alone. We all struggle, and that’s okay.
No matter where your breastfeeding journey takes you, trust in your own strength and in the love you are building with your baby. For more guidance on postpartum recovery, feeding, and newborn routines, explore my Postpartum Guide for new moms.
